2020 came with a bang!

So many events have been (and still are) so harrowing, nerve racking and emotional that there is definitely a collective shift across the globe that will be a marker in human history.

The most significant event of these could be the rise of Covid-19 on the world’s stage because who would have thought… Wow Ms. Rona! She came with a vengeance! All of us on this planet experienced situations that many of us never thought could happen at the exact same time: international borders closing, shelter-in-place orders, requiring permission slips just to go to the supermarket, fights in supermarkets over the last rolls of toilet paper… It was a lot. And still is.

Life as we knew it before 2020 will take such a long time to get back to what we thought of as normal. The new normal now involves wearing masks every time you step outside, wiping with disinfectant any surface before you touch that could have maybe been touched by another, and death staring down anyone who dares cross into your 6 foot social distance bubble.

There were then those 8 or so weeks (depending on your location) where staying at home was mandatory and everything except supermarkets and pharmacies was shut. Many people experienced a lot of uncertainty and anxiety as the businesses that were their daily bread were suddenly closed with no concrete end date; and there were also many who were daunted by the unknown of when they could see and touch their loved ones again, which speculative post lockdown date they should postpone their wedding to, when will their schooling and hopes of a better future get back on track… I recognize all of that. I sincerely sympathise with it. I understand also that I am coming from a place of privilege as a salaried worker who was still getting fully paid amidst all the chaos that Corona brought. But…I absolutely loved the lockdown. When it was first announced, I actually did a little leap of joy. I would not have to see anyone for (initial announcement) 2 weeks!

Let me explain myself. I am an introvert. Not in the way people say they are but secretly they long for constant companionship. No. In the way where my favorite person is myself and being by myself gives me inexplicable joy. I have my own language, my own inside jokes and I know how to make myself truly laugh out loud. And do not get me wrong; I have family, friends, best friends, lovers, who I absolutely adore and being around them makes my heart sing. But being by myself makes my heart sing the loudest.

So when the lockdown was announced and I had an excuse to constantly stay in with my favorite person (me), I thrived. Everyday was a delight because I knew I did not have to carry the burden of social interaction that comes with being an adult out in the world. Adulting does not favor those whose energy source is within themselves. We live in an extrovert’s world unfortunately.

I have often been told I would be so much further in my career, despite how much education I have, if I just put myself out there more. And yes I do believe that is true. But the thought of being a people’s person, the one who struts into a room and announces themselves with their presence as opposed to the one who drags themselves in and hopes no one will talk to them, is so exhausting to me. I have resorted to just working extra hard and doing as good a job as possible with as little interaction with my coworkers. I do hope it pays off because I do not long whatsoever to divert from that formula.

My happy place is me. Lockdown proved that even further. It is I who brings myself the most comfort and peace. And even though I fiercely love the people that I love, my most joyous moments are ones that are spent by myself. And I would be lying if I said that I want that to change.

But as all good things come to an end (again I recognize that I am coming from a place of privilege but this is just my truth), after 10 weeks of lovely, uninterrupted me-time, the lockdown ended and it was back to face the outside world, and ignoring the pit in my stomach that is ever present when I am outside of my world of one.

P.S: Rest in Peace to all the lives lost because of Covid-19

P.P.S Even if you too have a disinclination towards most outer interaction, never forget that Black Lives Matter.

  1. I actually THRIVED during mandatory lockdowns, and now that businesses are opening up once more, I’m actually losing my mojo. I don’t know what it was, but I need to find it back. Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Try to adapt the techniques you used during lockdown into your new normal. It’s difficult to stay constantly inspired but you will get back your mojo.

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